Classroom Confessions
by ScottyBgood
Summary: Sikowitz assigns the class the task of each writing up a personal secret no one knows, to be read by a random person in class. What could go wrong, especially when Jade decides to change the rules. One shot, with a hint of Jori, but no real couples. Rating is for a slightly heavy confession, but nothing too bad.


Jade sat there, looking at the class. She was the first one on the stage, having insisted on going first. She had to go first, before she lost her nerve. She remembered the assignment Sikowitz gave the class yesterday, right before the bell.

'Not so fast, my young thespians, I have an assignment for you. It's going to be the hardest one I've ever given, and that's saying a lot. Tonight I need you to write out a secret, something no one in this room knows. The deeper and more emotional the better. Type it up as a monologue, but don't bother putting your name on it. Tomorrow all your secrets are going to be put in a basket, then each of you will draw one and perform it in front of the class. You see, while you're secret will be shared, it will be done anonymously. Clear? Good. Now go.'

There had been the inevitable complaints, but he'd just reminded the class that this was an acting class, and sometimes that meant finding the character for someone real. Sometimes, it even meant saying something real that isn't comfortable, and they had to be able to find the emotion inside themselves to do justice to the person who'd lived that life.

Jade had done the assignment, just like everyone else. However, instead of handing it in, she'd arrived a little early to argue with Sikowitz.

"They won't do it justice. I don't think Cat, or Vega or any of the shruggers have the background for this. I don't think any of them have the background for this. I have to be the one to read it." She'd told Sikowitz.

"This isn't a confession. Some of what they're talking about could be painful. I even asked Lane to be here just in case it gets too real. Besides, this is an exercise about working with deep emotions, as well as interpreting them. I don't see how you benefit from telling them your secret." He'd said.

"I don't. But the class, they'll just think I'm reading someone else secret, while you and I will know the difference. Please, I need to do this, just once." Jade had said, leaving her teacher confused. Was she acting just then? Jade was probably one of the few students who didn't need this exercise. Still, to let her preform her own monologue was iffy. Lane would be there, in case it didn't go the way she'd expected it to. In the end, Sikowitz agreed, but he wasn't the kind to just let something like that go.

So here she was, standing in front of the class, about to go first. Everyone else had received their random copy of someone's secret, written up as a monologue, and had spent a few minutes trying to figure out how to approach it. Since today was Sikowitz's long day, they had time for each of the dozen or so students to read their monolog over, figure out how they were going to tackle the issue, and maybe who's secret they'd gotten. Jade knew that everyone was going to spend a good amount of time trying to guess who's secret was being read. That was the real reason she wanted to read her own, or at least the reason she told herself. It was personal, the kind of personal that might be easy to figure out. If she read it, they were far more likely to think it was someone else's secret.

Jade took another moment to go over the paper in front of her, and then began.

"When I was in middle school, before I had my first boyfriend, something happened that affected my whole life. Please listen to all of it, because I can't tell the real secret until you hear what led up to it." She looked over the class. They were all listening, giving her their complete attention.

"When I was thirteen, I was almost raped. It doesn't matter who did it, since none of you will ever meet him. What matters is I fought back. We were at school, during recess, and he'd lured me to an out of the way spot. He was so strong, but I wasn't going to let it happen to me. I fought back with every ounce of strength I had, and for a moment I thought I was going to get away when I kneed him in the groin. He screamed, and for that second I thought I was safe. But he held on, and once he was breathing normally again, he started to beat the hell out of me. He slammed my head against the floor, threw a dozen or more punches, and I'm amazed I look as good as I do after what he did to me" Jade tried to keep a brave face, throwing in the right emotions. It was more about blunting the emotions, holding back, then letting them flow freely. She wanted them to think she was reading someone else's story.

"I think he'd have raped me anyways, even if his equipment wasn't working, but someone had heard his scream, and came to investigate. One of the faculty found us, demanding to know what was going on. He said we were rehearsing for a play, and that nothing bad was going on there. It hurts to think that the adult, the teacher who'd found us, wanted to believe him so much. If I wasn't in a small pool of my own blood, I think the guy would have gotten away with it." Jade was holding back the tears.

"You might not believe it, but this is still background. I'm not there yet." Jade let out a small laugh, but it held no humor whatsoever. Instead, it was full of pain. This was a hard memory, but she knew, if she was going to get through it, she had to keep going. She told herself she was safe, that no one would ever know it was her. She'd never told this to anyone, not even Beck.

"So there I was, with a mild concussion, being helped to the office. They put me in the nurses office, had me lie down, and called my parents. I don't know who they called first, but it doesn't matter. Neither came for me. I floated in and out of consciousness, until I regained enough of myself to stand up. By that point, they'd called everyone on my contact list, and no one was able to come get me. With less than an hour of school left, I staggered out to the bus stop to go home." Jade continued.

The class was staring, giving her their full shocked attention while sneaking glances around. This was one they'd both wanted to hear, and hoped never to have to know about. Jade would be proud, but she was too into this memory.

"I didn't take the bus. One of the volunteers at the school took me to my doctors office instead. If you don't know, they require you give them your primary care physician and medical card number to let you go to school. I saw my doctor, got patched up, and was diagnosed with a concussion, as well as having survived an assault. The volunteer called the school, and the guy was punished. Not sure what they did to him because he still went there, but he kept his distance. Not important. Anyways, eventually someone gave me a ride home. Later still, My parents showed up, both of them having ignored the calls from my school." Jade was almost done, and the pain was growing. She pushed past it, focusing on finishing.

"My parents were convinced I did something, that I was in trouble. It wasn't until I showed them my doctors note that they understood I wasn't going to school the next day. That's when they started fighting. It wasn't the first thing they fought about. They'd been fighting on and off, over all kinds of stuff, for years. This was just the straw that broke the camels back. They got divorce, each blaming the other for not being there when I was hurt, and neither seemed to care about me. My mother would later make an effort to be there for me, to show me some caring, but that day neither cared that I was almost raped, that I could have died, and that I was waiting fort them to comfort me."

Jade broke down, unable to hold back the tears any longer. She cried until she could stop. Finally, after a minute or more, she found her voice, and continued. "My secret is that I caused my parents divorce." she breathed out. "if I'd been stronger, able to stop that bastard, or maybe more compliant, and let him have his way, then maybe my parents could have stayed together, and I wouldn't carry the guilt of having destroyed my family." The class was stunned. Lane looked ready to move, to help whomever was behind this secret, his eyes scanning to see who else was on the edge of tears. He was the only one who didn't see the truth, that this was jade's secret. That somehow, she'd drawn her own, and was so determined to succeed that she pushed through it and said her monologue.. Jade, for her part, was taking deep breaths, trying to pull the whole painful event back into herself. Finally, she stood up and walked top her seat.

Sikowitz inwardly cured himself for failing to see one aspect of Jade's personality. She wanted to win. As painful as what she'd just confessed, and he knew it was real by Lane's reaction, Jade would tell that story just to have the most painful monologue in the class. Of course, the real problem was what would the others do. He hoped his little trick would blunt their judgment, and give her a reprieve.

Sikowitz had moved to protect her, guessing at just how deeply she'd been hurt in the past. So as a precaution, he'd given each student their own secret, letting the illusion Jade had woven cover his whole class. Of course, whatever they had to say, whatever secret came next, he doubted it would be as painful as what they'd just herd. He just hoped they wouldn't judge Jade too hard. "Next."

Tori didn't wait to see if anyone else was trying to volunteer. Her secret needed to be told NOW. She walked up to the stage, taking the seat that Jade had occupied just a moment ago. The Latina didn't hesitate. She looked over the crowd, hesitating just long enough to find the voice she'd need for this monologue.

That was just enough time for Jade to pull herself together and be stunned to see Tori daring to go next. Jade was aware that the younger Vega sister was going to try and top her, but to be willing to go after what jade had just confessed, to volunteer, was beyond Jade's expectations. She couldn't imagine what would be able to follow that kind of soul wrenching pain. Jade's thinking that somehow, she'd caused her parents divorce because she wasn't tough enough to shrug off an attempted rape, and the beating that followed, had left a big painful hole in her heart. Jade believed that people only wanted her for her looks, and that nothing under the surface was worth anyone's time. Now Tori was going to prove that point once again, stealing her performance with some deep confession that would win the classes sympathies.

Tori cleared her throat. She made eye contact with Jade, among others, as she gathered their attention. The silence of the room echoed through her head as she readied herself to speak.

"I'm up here so you don't have to, because I know your secret. It's not all of yours, but enough of you have this secret that I felt I had to share it. It's probably not your biggest or darkest secret, and many of you were planning on telling something else, but now you don't have to, because I'm going to give this one. My secret is I know so many of yours." Tori said, barely hiding her smirk.

"You see, it's not the safest of secrets. The truth would feel weird. But you all share it, or most of you. I know that, for three of you, this isn't a secret. One of you is willing to express it openly, while for another, it's not real. The third expresses it, but hides the depth to which it's real." Tori smiled, full and rich.

"So what secret am I hiding? I know that everyone in this room, with one exception, cares about Jade." Tori voice stayed clear. She gave a moment for the class to look around. No one was willing to object, at least not yet. "I know that of the dozen or so people in this room, everyone cares about Jade. You want her to be happy, worry when she hits a rough patch, and think about how she'd be so much happier if she just cared about herself as much as you do. Three of us love her, maybe as many as half. We all worry because we know, Jade doesn't feel loved, and that makes her hate herself."

Tori was looking straight at Jade now. "I love you, Jade. I'm one of those people in this class who'd be happy to be with you, as close as you'd let me be. Others love you as a sister, or daughter, while some just love you as a friend. But Jade, you are loved, and the only person in this room who doesn't believe that is you." Tori bowed, and quickly sat down. Jade was speechless. The class was speechless, stunned to discover what Tori had said was true. Too often such affection is hidden, and no one believes that anyone else feels it.

Sikowitz, for his part, felt relieved. Tori's confession wasn't just lighter than Jade's, it was the best thing in the world for her to hear. Now, he hoped the rest of the confessions would be normal teenager angst, and not as heavy as jade's or as world shaking as tori's.

Andre was another who didn't wait for Sikowitz to call his name. He rushed to the stage. "I'm here to tell two secrets. First, I love Jade. Just as a friend, but if I'm being honest, I could love her as a wife, or sister, depending on how things work out. That secret is open, building on whats already been said." He smiled.

"The other secret is my parents can't care for me. They love me, but can't be there for me anymore. I'm not the bad kid, that would be my brother in the gangs, or my sister who's already had a kid of her own. No, my parents know I'm the one who's trying to make it, so they sent me away to live with family. The side of my family you've met are the ones trying to do it right, live inside the law. They're the ones who never let the drugs get a hold of their lives, and they're the ones who encourage me to make music as my way out from that kind of life. I live with those members of my family because my parents have three other kids who didn't make it out, who won't make it out, and it's easier to send me away than to risk having my life ruined by the actions of my siblings." Andre looked at Jade, giving her a quick salute, then walked back to his seat and sat down.

Lane was watching the class. They were starting to figure out Sikowitz's trick, and he worried that they might not be willing to do this if everyone knew everyone's secret. To make matters worse, Cat took her turn. As she did so, Sikowitz worried that Andre was so comfortable with his secret. His was easy enough to hide, but he owned it like a pro. That was normally good, but the teacher feared the musician was trying to show solidarity with Jade, and since his secret wasn't that bad, he could afford to tell the trout. Unfortunately, it tore at his carefully woven illusion, letting each student know the trick he'd played on them. Now he wondered how many would go through with their monologues. Cat was his big salvation. The small girl started to speak.

"I'm not as dumb as people think I am. I act stupid, and ditzy, and yes, those are two separate things. I just, I don't know, I loved it when I was a kid, and my brother wasn't so crazy. You know, he's ten years older than I am. In some ways, he's almost another adult, but the crazy took him away from us, and we've always had to adjust to whatever he'd be doing. I know he loves me, but when he loses control, it feels like he might hurt me. I will confess, as scary as he can be at times, he's never physically hurt me." Cat looked lost for a second, then focused on the class again. "Anyways, I just decided a long time ago to stay a child as long as I could. So I act weird, and sometimes my thoughts are dedicated to fun things, so I come across as stupid. But I'm not." Cat started to walk off stage, only to stop. "Oh yea, I'm not gay, but there are time when I'm with Jade where I wish I was. Then I could love her the way she deserves to be loved." Cat then walked off stage.

As Cat sat down, Robbie took his turn on the stage. "I know Rex isn't real, but he is. I know that each puppet voice I make is a part of me. Rex is the part of me that expresses the hatred I have for myself, and over time he kinda grew into a real persona. Almost a second persona. But I know, deep inside, that he's not real, even if it feels like he is. I just don't have it in me to be without that outlet. I see a therapist who's been trying to help me integrate Rex. I don't want to. Every dark joke, every prank he plays on me, is still realer than what I get from my parents. And if he isn't watching out for me, then no one is. Rex isn't my friend, but he's the one person who's honest with me." Turing to face Jade. "I love that about you, Jade. You're willing to be honest with me, so when you say I'm your friend, away from where the cool people might hear you, I know it's true. Embarrassing but true." he then left the stage to sit down.

Beck took the stage. "This is the hardest exercise I've had to do here at Hollywood arts. I like to think of myself as open, the guy with no secrets. I know now that's a lie. Just like how I know that Jade is probably more loved than she'll ever admit. Yes, I know some of you would take my place in a heartbeat. And I know it's not about how hot Jade is, even though she is. I know that with Jade, you know when she likes you. I know she'd never cheat, and she tries not to hurt me." He smiled, just for a second, then continued.

"My secret is, I'm scared. I know of two people who could take Jade from me, and they're both my friends. I know that, regardless of how awesome an actor I am, there are no guarantees in life. I could fail miserably. I might succeed, only to find I would have been happier as a teacher doing community theater on the side. I know I'm not as strong as Jade is, and someday I might cheat. I use Jade's reputation and jealousy to keep me honest, keep me the kind of man I want to be, even if I don't have the will to be that man yet. I know that. I even know that, through all my insecurities, I've been lucky to have friends like you who are always there for me. Even when I'm helping you, it helps me. Thank you. I wouldn't feel like a prince if I never had to rescue anyone from the dragon." Beck said.

The others slowly made their was up to give their confessions, and each added that they cared about jade, if only as an afterthought. As the last one spoke, Sikowitz took the stage. "I have a secret. I usually know just what I'm doing when I'm up here, but this exercise was scary. I didn't expect it to be so open, and I didn't think you'd realize you all had your own secrets to talk about. I just hope you remember that, as you leave here today, what we shared is for this room only. Talk about your own experiences, but not others secrets. And Jade, I think Tori was right. I think you don't give us enough credit. We drive each other crazy because we care, and they care for you. So make a decision about Beck, because if that isn't working out, there is someone in the wings waiting to make your life feel special. All of you, you have friends who are there for you, and you deserve to be happy. Speak to Lane if you need to. There will be a group hug immediately after class, forming around Jade. Class dismissed."

:}

I found this on my hard drive, cleaned it up, and thought it was good enough for sharing. I admit it's kinda Jade centric, but I tried to give each one something to be proud of.


End file.
